basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
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Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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