im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
vagina is talking i cant
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
