I am puke
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
