Did you just see the Batmobile???
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
