Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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