Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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