Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
