I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
