i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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