She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
