Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
