I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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