Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
