I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
