Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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