Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
