My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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