i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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