Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
