the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
