Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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