Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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