I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
