you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
