I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
