I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
