i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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