It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
