It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
