My liver just broke up with me...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
