i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
