Got a toothbrush?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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