yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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