My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
