There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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