Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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