I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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