I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
