I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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