I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
