Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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