Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
