i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he fucked my hip out of place.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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