Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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