i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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