omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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