i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
