I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
