Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
