I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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