When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
