My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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