Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Pants are for mortals
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
