there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
