Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My liver just had a heart attack.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
