I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
