When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
