all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
