Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
