just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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