i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
