I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
