My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
