At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I checked into jail on foursquare
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
