I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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