There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
