im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
