btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize