Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
